you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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