I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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