you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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