All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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