thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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