just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
