he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
