I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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