I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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