Only a mothe r could love this liver
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
