what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
it's like iHOP with fire
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
