We need to start having sex underwater more often.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
