It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
