where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He felt like a one man threesome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
