The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
