Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
