i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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