Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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