I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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