We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
