After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
