it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
