I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
