for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
