i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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