so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
