it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
