mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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