What did we do last night that was yellow?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
