you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
