both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
