As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
