Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
