Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
