I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
