so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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