The maid of honor just puked.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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