I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
