He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Congratulations! We have a period
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