I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
