life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
