I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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