you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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