Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
