I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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