Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
