i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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