I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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