We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
