he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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