bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
