Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
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U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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