She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
