Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
