I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
