The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
