U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
