i barfeds in our rink
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
