I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize