I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
