Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
