Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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