I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
