Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
