he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
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I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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