call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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