We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
