In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
