Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
