if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
