Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
