I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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